Help! I'm stuck in urgent mode & I can't access the exercise, time with friends, fun that I need!

By Suzy Reading, Chartered Psychologist and author of ‘How to Be Selfish’.

Does this strike a chord? 

There is so much required of us - work, chores, parenting... and the self-care we really need just keeps getting further and further out of reach. You're not alone. Work through these 5 steps to find peace and a path forward.

5 Steps to Nourishing Yourself in Times of Squeeze

1. Pause. When you're stuck in urgent mode, pause momentarily and ask yourself: do you really need to be on high alert? Is it necessary to be living at this pace? Do you need to work to these priorities? Is there some wiggle room: can you delegate or make any different choices? Where there is choice, exercise your right to also prioritise you and your own needs.

2. If survival mode is unavoidable, put a ring around this time. If this is just how it is for now, while you don't know how long it will be, remember it won't be like this forever. A ring around this chapter denotes that it is ok to do things differently - to cut corners, alter expectations of self, reduce the load where possible and be super gentle with yourself.

3. Grieve your losses. When you can't access the nourishment or self-expression you desire, it hurts. Let yourself feel the sadness, irritation. frustration, disappointment, anger, resentment, jealousy, loneliness, fatigue or boredom. Make space and move through your feelings in safe and healthy ways - the feeling is the healing. If you're not sure how to do this, book in for a 'power hour' on emotional digestion and build a bespoke practical toolkit with me.

4. Identify what IS available to you. Yes, there are some forms of self-care that are inaccessible, but what else can you do? Can you find some direct swaps? If you would dearly love face-to-face time with a friend, can you schedule a phone call instead, exchange a voice note, make a future plan to happily anticipate or a simple text to communicate care and stay current? If you can’t exercise as you ideally want, what mini movement rituals can you do? If the fun you want is just not possible, what alternative joys are available to you? Can you turn to music, scent, your favourite podcast, journaling or Nature for an effortless mood boost?

5. Acknowledge what is going well. While this is a demanding chapter and we need to recognise the inherent challenges and the natural way you feel in response, let's also make space for appreciation and self-pride. How can you be proud of what you are weathering, proud of what you are contributing to this world, the values you are honouring? What in your life can you feel grateful for? Grief and gratitude often sit side by side, and we need to be tender with ourselves as we feel both.

I hope this brings you some fresh options for meeting your needs. ‘This too shall pass’, and until then, I can be gentle with myself.